It’s been a long time since I have posted to this blog. During the past several months I’ve written a number of posts, but never got around to publishing them.  For me, it was a plus that I was still writing, even though I wasn’t sharing my journey with all of you. The last six months have been a whirlwind filled with major change, loss and growth. The good news is that my son, actually both my sons, are doing well.  The bad news is that during this time I allowed myself to be pushed to my max – physically, …

It’s been a long time since I have posted to this blog. During the past several months I’ve written a number of posts, but never got around to publishing them.  For me, it was a plus that I was still writing, even though I wasn’t sharing my journey with all of you.

The last six months have been a whirlwind filled with major change, loss and growth. The good news is that my son, actually both my sons, are doing well.  The bad news is that during this time I allowed myself to be pushed to my max – physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually – culminating in a severe bronchial infection that has literally taken me down to my knees. 

It was only a matter of time. Pushing too hard. Doing too much. Not knowing where the stop button was. Perhaps, unconsciously numbing myself along the way.

I have been traveling almost non-stop since August 2013.  The long days and work filled nights have certainly made it more difficult to keep up with my blog, but that is only part the reason why I haven’t published. I have been deeply contemplating the direction of my blog. This beautiful healing space has certainly evolved since the dark days of crisis with my son.  I initially started this blog because I felt that I had so much information to share about what I experienced through my son’s crisis, what I learned and how this information could help to guide other parents and caregivers as they experienced similar life circumstances.  I believe that my posts have been valuable to others and ultimately they have truly helped me; helped me to heal, helped me to forgive myself and others, helped me to find my voice and strength that I didn’t know was within me.  As the blog evolved, I found that more and more it also became a place that I could share the real, raw and vulnerable path I was on; a path that has, on a number of occasions, taken me to what has felt like the cusp of the pit of hell and back again.  Believe me, I’m not complaining.  I do truly believe that everything we experience in this life is a springboard to growth, to healing and to learning to live in the moment, even if that moment feels like sitting in a vat of shit.  This blog has allowed me to deeply explore my stuff and where I still struggle with judgment, acceptance, and shedding the role of “victim” when things in my life don’t go exactly as I plan.

I realized that if I was going to continue to write on this blog, I needed to decide what’s next for Far From Paradise.

What I have come up with is that while I will continue to advocate and share information for caregivers supporting their loved ones through crisis, I’m open to allow my posts to continue to evolve along the path of exploring the journey that I am on, the journey that we are all on as humans moving through this lifetime of experiences.  I don’t see this as a complete 180 degree change in direction, more of the next steps for me as I continue to explore healing,  and finding peace and joy even in the midst of chaos and uncertainty that makes up this life.  I hope you plan to stay along for the ride!  Remember that in our deepest darkest moments, we can truly feel like we are Far From Paradise but with the right support and the willingness to keep moving forward, we won’t stay far from paradise for long.

One Response to It’s Been A While….

  1. May 3, 2014 at 9:35 pm Louisa responds:

    With every fleeting heartbeat. With every act of hatred or heartless we may face. We are still in control of our eventual outcome. For as long as they mistreat us. Their are consequences of their actions. We are just in the sight of God.Giving our everything to love our children. Even though I love won’t be received. Our Love is still there. Abandoned and alone. Do not allow despair to weigh you down. It will be crippling. I have cried myself to sleep. Without even a thought from anyone.If I need a drink of water or a meal. How I am dealing with physical pain.My daughter came into my room yelled at me.For no reason telling me she is sick and tired of me.And how she despises me. Filled with tears and brokenness in my heart. I won’t be destroyed. I stand a winner stronger in my battle for Love to resume and unruly behaviour to take a back seat to a Mothers bond. Which they will need at some point. And guess what as resilient as we are we will stand with open arms. Be firm and remind them. When they are parents they will appreciate you. Tell them always. You feel nothing for me. However I have unconditional love for you. May God Be Our Strength.You are Amazing and not alone.

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