It’s funny how many things I can find to distract myself, to procrastinate when I know that I have a blog post (or two) bubbling up in me.
I want to write. I love to write. I am grateful to be able to share my experiences and I am glad for the feedback that confirms I am providing support, comfort and guidance to those who read my posts. Then a few weeks ago, I stopped writing. I started to believe that I didn’t have anything of value to share. There is so much I am still learning and still find challenging with how my son’s situation continues to play out. I am certainly having some difficulty with acceptance, that’s for sure. And when my mind starts up with the old self talk and negativity, it can take right over.
So I waited, waited until it was time to write again. Waited until my mind got tired of ruminating over the same old patterns of not feeling good enough. I waited until I realized that what I really needed to do was to let go of it all. Not just of my lack of blog posts, the situation with my son, or the bumps in the road with relationships. And not just work or physical challenges either but all of it, the whole lot.
So over the past few days, I have been focusing on the word acceptance, wondering how to really let go and accept the situations and crises in life as they come.
Even as things have settled down, into a new normal for now, I find it difficult to accept that, given the situation with my son’s illness, I could quickly find myself in the midst of crisis once again. The thought of this causes me anxiety and, dare I say, pain.
I recently read a quote that spoke of this type of “pain” being caused by having a life plan that “we” fall in love with but that doesn’t work out. What occurs as a result is anger because we are disappointed about having to start over again. The key, the author stated, is to not get too attached to any life plan but instead remain open to the possibility that there is something even better out there, waiting for us.
This level of acceptance has been a challenge for me. I struggled with it during the deepest, darkest moments of my son’s illness. I could not wrap my head around the fact that things were not playing out as I had dreamed they would, tying directly to the idea of not becoming too attached to any specific life plan. This becomes a bit overwhelming to me. I do know that if I am going to have peace and joy in my life, I really need to let go and accept that this journey is going to play out in wondrous, adventurous and beautiful ways that I cannot even fathom.
Wanting to get a better understanding of the meaning of acceptance, I looked up the definition. What I found was that in addition to being the act of accepting, one meaning is to have a belief in something, an agreement. This got me thinking; perhaps acceptance has to do with having an agreement with myself to trust that things are exactly as they are supposed to be.
I wonder if I am able to make this agreement, taking each thing that happens with ease and going with the flow.
I wonder how I will find that place of peace and groundedness in the midst of a crisis. The only way to know is to start accepting things as they are and not as I want them to be. I can start with one step, one moment; I can start with this moment. Then I will focus on the next moment and the next. Eventually, I will be able to string a bunch of moments together and in time, perhaps, truly find a level of acceptance that makes the tough times a bit smoother. We alone have the power to choose joy and peace in our lives.
Ah yes Acceptance. You have described your perception so beautifully and I can relate to it all. Acceptance to me is surrendering, letting go and detaching from the outcome.
Pretty much what you have so beautifully shared here. It took me attempting suicide to finally step out of denial and accept how ill I was. As soon as surrendered I was able to begin the healing journey.
Your son is truly blessed to have you as his Mom. I’m sure there are times you don’t feel that way. By voicing your pain and challenges you are modeling to him the gift of authenticity and vulnerability. Beautiful 😀
Thank you for sharing your truth.
Hugs & Love
Lee xoxox
Thank you Lee! You’re openness about your story continues to inspire me! Thank you for your kind words!
very good description of acceptance. When I learned to accept that there are things I can’t change, I also learned to adapt and live with any situation. What’s the point on getting upset about a fact i can do nothing about? Accepting it is strength, and in accepting it I might find out that it’s not as bad as it seems.
Thank you Nikky! I hope that you are doing well! You are such an inspiration… having found that place of accepting in the midst of situations where others might crumble.
Hi, I have a son with special needs. It has been a long hard road for myself also. I raised him for 10 yrs before the county came in and took him away saying i was neglectful. Thats another story, anyways….. smiley face….. I can totally relate to u. He has been in the pschyiatrict hospital 9 times and he is 14 since the age of 8. I raised him youngest of 3 boys. He is such a sweetheart but hard to handle, hard for him to understand things from someone elses point of view, easy to anger. Over the holidays last winter he was hospitialized (not a good experiencce) for 2 months they changed his meds and for the first time we have found the right ones, lately his thyroid has been goin alittle wacky so on top of 6 meds one is lithium he is takin thyroid now. Geez!…… Its so frustrating!!!!!
Thank you for sharing your story. It’s truly heartbreaking and equally frustrating to go through something like this, with someone that you love, and not have anyway to make it better! I’m glad they got him on the right combination of medications. Hope they are testing his blood levels and kidney levels while on the Lithium – it’s very important!
A beautiful post and a wonderful reminder of the meaning of acceptance. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you so much for your comments!
Acceptance is huge in my opinion! A work in progress! Take care